If God’s chosen kings – David and Solomon – eventually fell, why are we surprised when we read about the exploits of mischievous CEOs, sports figures, pastors and politicians? The past decade is full of monumental moral failures driven by lust and greed.
Chances are these human tendencies have afflicted your church, too (or they may soon). What starts as a man’s innocent comment about a woman’s hair is returned as a compliment on his losing weight. Over time, the mutual flattery leads to verbal intimacy, arousing desire. An old preacher once said, “If you don’t intend on going inside, don’t stand on the front porch.”
I heard about a man with a spotless reputation who bore the attention of a young female coworker until her affections finally broke his will. He sought opportunities to talk to her, became her confidante, and even met her for one-on-one social activities after work.
Soon it got around that he was inappropriately touching her. Then another lady complained he was touching her, too. Though he described himself as happily married, he suddenly found himself in the midst of a potential sexual harassment lawsuit.
One pastor's story
Pastor Bob Russell tells about how he counseled an attractive woman who was going through a divorce 25 years ago. In the final session, she made a suggestive remark that flattered him. Over time, she started popping up in the audience when he spoke at various places, and he found himself thinking about her all the time.
One day, however, when the boundary almost broke, he decisively turned her down, and she soon left the church. “I could have hurt so many people and negated the influence I had,” he said. “I look at my family today, with all my grandkids – I could’ve thrown all that away.”
Two types of defenses
We all need to be careful in this area—men and women alike.
How do you protect yourself from the threat of moral collapse? From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible warns us to be on our guard. Here are a few practical measures we can take:Personal Defense—We must purify ourselves as leaders before we can protect our churches. Using Internet filters, committing more time to our families and marriages, and expressing love to our spouses can strengthen our defenses.
However, these disciplines won’t be as effective as changing the way we think about temptation. The next time you struggle, ask yourself this question: “What benefit will I get from pursuing and acting on this temptation, versus the tragedy it will inflict on my life if it becomes public? How much will it cost to simply walk away right now?”
Corporate Defense—Those under the leader’s care deserve a structure that protects them, too. Aside from normal sexual harassment precautions, we should introduce simple rules that everyone can remember and easily follow. The church I attend (Southeast Christian) instituted guidelines that prohibit even the appearance of bad intentions:
- Do not eat at a restaurant or travel alone with a member of opposite sex; a third party must be present.
- Do not ride unaccompanied in a car with a member of the opposite sex, except in cases of emergency.
- Avoid intimate subjects and physical contact with members of the opposite sex.
Does this seem ultra-conservative in today’s world? Perhaps we need to go to these lengths to combat the lewdness of our culture. Such old-fashioned values protect our employees, volunteers, children … and our own marriages.
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Tom Harper is the publisher of ChurchCentral.com and president of the Society for Church Consulting.
He wrote Career Crossover: Leaving the Marketplace for Ministry (B&H, 2007)
Follow him on Twitter: @TomRHarper
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