I recently spoke at a place where I had not been in years. Many of the same people from years ago were still there. I noticed something disturbing about these people: they had really gotten old! I was stunned by their obvious aging while I marveled at my own youthful appearance.

Yeah, right.

One honest look in the mirror and I could see that the years had taken a toll on me—just like my aging friends. My self-awareness had two elements in it: honesty and a willingness to look in the mirror.

Leadership and self-awareness

I have been given incredible opportunities in my life to lead people and organizations. Yet, I have much to learn about leadership. I wish I could say that my track record is impeccable and that I am the paragon of leadership excellence. But that would be both a joke and a lie.

When I reflect on those times when I have made some positive strides as a leader, I realize that many of them took place when I had greater self-awareness. It’s not a very pleasant experience to learn of my shortfalls as a leader. Those exercises of looking in the mirror are typically painful for me. The cliché, "no pain, no gain," certainly applies here.

Toward greater clarity in the mirror

So, how does a leader see himself or herself more clearly? How do we go about the process of looking in the mirror? Allow me to suggest a few steps from my own experience and the wisdom of others:

Be intentional about seeking greater awareness. Looking in the mirror is not usually something we do or seek every day.

Be willing to accept pain. I have learned by looking in the mirror some not-so-pleasant aspects of my leadership style, personality, and attributes. Frankly, I much prefer to hear good things about me.

Find someone who will shoot straight with you, someone who cares enough about you and your leadership to risk offending you. Keep sycophants at a distance. Those who "kiss up" to you are more concerned about themselves than your leadership. And they give you a very distorted view of reality.

If possible, seek anonymous surveys about you and your leadership. In my organization, a third party surveys employees to get their views on nearly 100 matters. Several of the questions pertain directly to our organization’s leadership. The employees have complete anonymity in their responses. We do those surveys at least once a year, and sometimes twice.

Be diligent spending time in prayer and in the Bible. God and His Word remind us how much we have fallen, and how much He still loves us.

Learning the great example of humility

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Philippians. On 17 different occasions, Paul uses the word "joy" or some derivative of the word. It’s truly a God-inspired book about joy.

Prominent in the second chapter of the book, Paul tells us that our attitude should be modeled after Christ’s. It’s a fascinating excursion in the midst of a treatise on joy. Note these words on humility: "He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross" (Philippians 2:8). True leaders follow the example of Christ. True leaders have an attitude of humility. True leaders find joy in that humility.

John Calvin’s words hit home: "He who is most deeply abased and alarmed by the consciousness of his disgrace and nakedness, want, and misery, has made the greatest progress in the knowledge of himself" (Institutes of the Christian Religion).

It is not easy to seek to be humble. Indeed the person who thinks he is humble is not. But we can become greater leaders by looking in the mirror. Those painful glances at reality will remind us again and again that we have not arrived.

We will then seek His strength and His wisdom since the mirror clearly shows us that are not nearly as smart and wise as we sometimes think we are.

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Thom Rainer is the president and CEO of LifeWay Christian Resources. He is also a former pastor, seminary dean, and leader of a church and denominational consulting firm. Rainer is the author or co-author of 22 books, including his latest, Transformational Church.