I recently celebrated one of those magic birthdays. Another decade passed and I am officially in the middle of life. This means that it was time for The Procedure I’ve been dreading for years. It’s not The Procedure I mind so much as the preparation. I fully expected to take a nice nap during The Procedure. And I did. In fact, they had a bit of a tough time waking me up afterward. When ministers sleep that soundly they don’t like being awakened.

A year or so ago I read a column by Dave Barry regarding The Procedure. It was so funny that I hurt myself laughing. His discussion of MoviPrep is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever read. Add to this the video of Jeff Foxworthy discussing The Procedure and you will feel better because of the chemical release in your brain but you will also feel a bit more trepidation about The Procedure.

Sure enough, the preparation was, well, moving. Enough said about that.

I called the clinic where The Procedure was scheduled the day before to make sure all was in order. I had not heard from the doctor’s office since scheduling the blessed event two months before. They had difficulty finding me on the schedule but eventually located my information. Upon arrival at the clinic early in the morning after Moving Day, we discovered that I was not in the system or on the schedule. I was not about to go through that preparation for nothing and have to do it all over again. They made some calls and placed me in line right behind an emergency case.

Now the fun began. You have no doubt received instructions to disrobe, bag your clothes, and place a gown around your shivering body and try to tie it from the rear so that you are not exposed as you walk from the restroom to your curtain-outlined bed. You also no doubt discovered that clinics and hospitals are not the kindest places for modest people.

The best part of the day was when the doctor asked if I was ready to take a nap. I remember answering in the affirmative and reluctantly awakening some time later. When I returned to full awareness, I learned that a polyp was removed for testing. The doctor didn’t think it was a problem but he wanted to be sure. Everything else looked clean. Trust me when I say it should have.

I enjoyed eating again and returning to normal activity. My bride and I are runners and live active lives. Our health is good, bordering on excellent. I lost twenty pounds last year on the South Beach Diet and my blood pressure improved. I was able to get off of some of my blood pressure medication. I was able to stop taking allergy medicine and shots for the first time in many years. My nuclear stress test and heart scan showed the benefits of my exercise regimen. Life is good.

I arrived home from work one day and listened to voicemail. The perky nurse from the doctor’s office had the results of my biopsy. The polyp was precancerous. There was nothing more that we needed to do at that time but I would need to repeat The Procedure in five years rather than the standard ten. Also, my children would need to have The Procedure at age 40 rather than waiting until 50.

Precancerous is better than cancerous any day. However, I heard cancer related to me for the first time ever. That was a shock and an unsubtle reminder that I am not bulletproof. I am terminal. I will die one day. I will die sooner if I am not a good steward of the body God has given me. I really don’t want to get to heaven and have St. Peter ask, “What are you doing here already?”

What if pride or fear had prevented me from experiencing the humiliation of The Procedure?

Healthy churches need healthy pastors. Pastor, don’t put off your annual physical. Don’t ignore the warning signs about your health. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your spouse, your kids, and those you serve. Live a healthy example before those you lead. Read Dave Barry, watch Jeff Foxworthy, schedule The Procedure, and enjoy the nap. You and somebody who loves you and depends on you will thank you.

Remind me to tell you sometime about the carpet burn on my forehead after some blood tests. I really don’t like needles any more than The Procedure.