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How do you discern when it’s time to quit? Leaders need persistence. You have to be able to keep going when the going gets rough, because leadership is almost never easy. Whether you are leading in a family, a church, a school or a denomination, there will be moments when you think, “Why am I doing this? It’s just too hard.” It’s not easy to know when to be patient and wait for the results, and when to say, OK, enough, already.

You can have the greatest freedom as a leader if you can hold both options open at once. When you feel like you can’t leave, that you are stuck, you will find it much harder to be creative and to challenge those you are leading. And if you feel you have to leave, you lose the opportunity to see what may emerge. Obviously sometimes the decision is made for you. Leaders do get fired. But even under the worst leadership circumstances, a firing or forced resignation, no situation is wasted if you can learn from it. The most difficult personal and professional crises may in fact be essential learning experiences, grist for the mill of your future leadership. And you will be able to lead, or to leave, with greater grace and dignity if you keep that larger perspective.

Many of the church leaders I work with are deeply ambivalent about their present situations. Am I really making a difference? they ask They wonder whether they can keep putting up with the challenges they face, whether another place would be better or easier.

Some productive questions might be: What am I getting out of this for my own growth? (Growing leaders are the most helpful to their institutions and those they lead.) Am I still learning? Is it any fun anymore, at least for a moment here and there? What can I do to get some distance so I can think more clearly: get a coach? talk to a friend who asks good questions? take a short vacation? Am I making this decision on a reactive or a principled basis?  Often to stay or to go is not a question of “doing the right thing.” You can learn and develop from many choices—if you stay, you can grow from the challenges at hand. If you go, you can continue to grow in another setting. Both may be real and positive options.

Pay attention to your own family history around staying or going. In your family, do people tend to cut and run or stick it out no matter what, in relationships and/or in work settings? Which makes you more anxious, the idea of staying or the idea of going?  How might you explore both options in your imagination? And what do the people you lead think about your leadership and where you are headed? There may be trusted people in your organization with whom you could explore these ideas and receive some genuine wisdom. Living with questions can be more productive than trying to come up with the “right” answer.

Decisions do have to be made eventually. But whether it’s a crisis or a feeling of just being worn down and worn out, as you explore these questions and focus more on yourself than on others, you will find yourself better able to think clearly about what’s ahead.

Rev. Margaret Marcuson works with clergy who want to be better leaders and churches who want to develop their ministries. She is the author of Leaders Who Last: Sustaining Yourself and Your Ministry (Seabury, 2009). She served as pastor of the First Baptist Church of Gardner, Massachusetts for thirteen years. Get the free mini-course, "Five Ways to Avoid Burnout in Ministry" at http://margaretmarcuson.com/.