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As a young seminarian, I was surprised to find myself caught in the crossfire of a major church conflict. I was the focus of it—some in that congregation didn’t believe women should be allowed to preach. I remember sitting on the couch of one of the church leaders while he stood up in front of me with his New Testament open, telling me why I was wrong (although in all honesty, I have to admit that I had gone to his house to tell him why he was wrong). In ministry, we can be blindsided by a conflict coming out of the woodwork.  People we thought we knew behave in ways we never expected.

Exodus 10 describes the plague of locusts in Egypt, and locusts are a scourge to this day.  In recent years, scientists have recently been studying what causes them to swarm. These insects are usually quiet and solitary. But after a population increase, they crowd together. Rubbing their legs together causes the insects to transform—they change color and behavior, flying by day rather than night and swarming together, devastating crops.Likewise, church people (including clergy) under certain circumstances, begin to crowd together emotionally, and act in ways than can be destructive to congregational life.  When anxiety is high, people often function reactively.

Heightened anxiety in the congregation or denomination is a major factor in church conflict. The conflict I was caught up in as a seminarian happened right after two beloved pastors left.  Other changes in congregational life can cause anxiety to heighten—key staff changes (including the church secretary), a pastor’s sabbatical, or building changes (building program or building fires).

Here are some tips for managing when it seems like the locusts are swarming:

1.    Keep your head. Manage your emotions, to the degree that you are able. Self-regulation is a key part of leadership. When you sense yourself getting hooked, take a deep breath, step back physically, or find some way to continue the conversation later. No one will get this right all the time, especially when things are intense.  Find someone to help you process what is going on, especially someone who can ask good questions and not just take your side

2.    Define yourself. Focus on your own thoughts about the issue at hand, and say what you think, clearly and calmly. This is not the same thing as trying to convince others you are right—which rarely works when anxiety is high. A self-defined leader can help others calm down. The congregation president in the conflict I experienced as a seminarian was a mild-mannered man, yet he was calm and clear about his position, which helped me and everyone in the church. 

3.    Remember the big picture. Ask yourself questions like: why now?  What is going on the congregation or community or society that might have people’s anxiety up? Has this congregation faced challenges in this area (youth, music, carpet color) before? As you step back, you will find yourself more neutral and better able to function. Do your best not to take things personally, even when they are framed personally. Avoid labeling people as “antagonists”—remember they are symptomatic of something bigger, which and may have been repeating for generations. Perhaps thinking of them as “the loyal opposition” may help you stay a little looser and less defensive.

Rev. Margaret J. Marcuson works with church leaders who want to learn an easier, more effective way to lead. The author of Leaders Who Last: Sustaining Yourself and Your Ministry (Seabury, 2009), she can be reached at Margaret@margaretmarcuson.com.