3 Ways to Have an Ideal Working Relationship with a Senior Pastor
A worship guy's longevity in the church and how it was negotiated...
Whether you work for a senior pastor or you are the senior pastor, there are some ethical/relational guidelines that will hopefully keep things between you running smoothly.
I served in one church for 21 years and can honestly say that most of those years were nearly perfect examples of a solid working relationship with my SP. I say "nearly" because things aren't always perfect in any institution, but all too often this is particularly true in the church environment. So, having learned some hard lessons that might be helpful to you, let's review the principles.1. You can and will have a mutually satisfying relationship with your SP where only one of you is in charge.
I can't tell you how many times I went to my SP and said, "I work for you, and I want you to be satisfied that I'm on the right track." "Yeah, duh...," you might be saying to yourself. The truth is that SPs need to hear this message loud and clear, and over and over. If they think for one second that you're against them or doing an end run around them, there can be no possibility of a trusting relationship.
True confessions—I also can't tell you how many times I "bucked" my SP because I felt I knew something he didn't know. There is a good and reasonable (make that "safe") way to give input. Say something like, "Could I share a concern I have about what you're proposing?" If the answer is, "NO," go have a nice cup of hot tea and get over it. Winning in a negatively charged situation is not a win!
2. Keep short accounts with your SP and encourage him/her to do the same for you.
I had a pastor for 17 years who, like in any good marriage, never let the sun set on one of our misunderstandings. He would come to my office shortly after a slight disagreement and apologize—even if it wasn't his fault. It's not very difficult to love a person who takes the initial step to settle a dispute, no matter how small it might have been. The wonderful thing about Walt's (real name, real person) style was that by exercising his "apology muscle" often, he taught me how to do the same.
3. Without flattery or deceit, be each other's prime defenders.
Character assassination sometimes runs rampant in a church—usually among people who are pathologically prone to create turmoil and pour gasoline rather than water on every available fire. Defending one another in gracious pursuit of truth and fairness is a gift that you can give to your SP, and that, with deep mutual respect, he/she can give back.
In many consultations with churches, I have heard things from pastors and their colleagues that are very disturbing, and those things usually center around an essential disrespect for one another. In one case I went so far as to void an agreement to work with that church. The distrust issue was so systemic, that no consultant in the world could have helped fix it. Nothing is sadder than toxicity in the church, but it exists and we need to do everything within our power to identify it and heal it.Your church—any church—cannot withstand poor staff relations. In addition to this brief blog, I am creating, along with several colleagues, a more thorough report on this subject. Please look for it in future posts.
Pass this along to those who need to rethink some of these issues, but only if you think they can "hear" it.
Blessings,
Doug
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—Doug Lawrence, internationally recognized speaker, author, and advisor, helps churches assess and improve their skillfulness in creating engaging worship experiences by utilizing his more than 35 years of "deep trench" worship leadership in prominent mainline churches. You may reach him at dlawrenceconsult@mac.com. Or, if you wish, call 1-650-207-8240 for assessment information and scheduling. Doug now teams with the slingshotgroup.net to place extraordinary worship leaders in extraordinary churches.
