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I was shocked when I found out a colleague had criticized my abilities behind my back. I approached him after struggling to distance myself from my initial emotions. Coincidentally, I had just studied the story of Gideon’s response to his own critics, and I decided to try out his technique.

In the book of Judges, Gideon is the weakest member of the weakest clan in his Hebrew tribe, but God nevertheless chooses him to save the entire nation of Israel. Gideon marshals 300 troops to chase the enemy Midianite army, calling on surrounding tribes to assist. One of them zealously captures two Midianite leaders, but the tribe complains about missing the glory of Gideon’s main battle. The text says they criticize him “violently.”

Rather than respond in kind, Gideon says, “What have I done now compared to you? … God handed over to you Oreb and Zeeb, the two princes of Midian. What was I able to do compared to you?” (Judges 8:1-3) They want credit for an important victory – no matter how significant it really is – which Gideon satisfies with his praise. He knew the human heart well!

Gideon’s master touch emanated from his humility. When this unlikely leader deflects his critics’ attention back to themselves, their jealousy and denigration lose steam. Their anger subsides when Gideon lifts up their accomplishments over his own. When I tried this with my colleague, we reconciled and he agreed to avoid private, negative comments in the future.

How to deaden the pain

While it’s okay to feel hurt and betrayed, Gideon models how we can show poise when our egos are threatened. Politicians are masters of smiling when a heckler or malicious reporter snipes at them. Similarly, seasoned CEOs know how to handle cutthroat Wall Street analysts.

Though I’ve learned how to respond to my detractors with kindness, I still hang on to the pain. Some see my reserved composure as an invitation to come back with more intense heat next time. When does my gracious turning of the cheek undermine my authority? As a leader, I’m obligated to defend myself and my people when mistruths propagate. I’m expected to be strong out in front, not a weak target, right?

Again, the solution comes from Gideon. He did more than give a refined response – he prevented further criticism that could have escalated into humiliation.

His method was simple: lift up his critics higher than himself, without diminishing his own accomplishments. We can apply this process in two ways:

1. Identify and promote their strengths. When we point out the strengths of a critic in meetings and one-on-one discussions with others in the company, it gets around that you think a lot of him, and he may feel a twinge of guilt when he criticizes you in the future.
2. Ask for confidential criticism. Those who sling mud at me in public usually change their tune in private discussions. I’ve found a powerful question when I’m behind closed doors: “Is there anything I can do to improve?” This often elicits advice I can actually benefit from, but it also takes wind away from the person’s public airing of my faults. Private comments are easier for me to take, because I’m prepared for them, and they lack the emotion fueled by an audience.

When we ask for constructive criticism, we of course still have to practice gracious acceptance. After 40 years at the same church, Pastor Bob Russell still wasn’t immune from criticism. He said one reason he lasted so long in ministry is he learned to endure the naysayers. In fact, he recounted a recent barb from one man who told him, “You know, you look a lot younger from a distance.” Preaching to 18,000 people every week made him an easy target.

Even George Washington was criticized so harshly that he left the presidency vowing the press would never get a chance to abuse him again. As the public’s shortsightedness faded, historians lauded him as the hero of American independence. The great German resistance leader Von Moltke said, “You have in American history one of the great captains of all times. It might be said of him … that he seldom won a battle but he never lost a campaign.” Washington reveals one of the great truths of criticism: condemnation for losing skirmishes is forgotten when big-picture victory is achieved.

When critics are bullies

What if a critic is just a bully at heart? It’s difficult to endure a colleague or boss who won’t let up, no matter how gracious you are.

Studies by Griffith University in Australia have found workplace bullying affects one in four people and costs the economy $12 billion a year. In England, bullying is so rampant that a national workplace bullying helpline was set up. According to the Canada Safety Council, bullied employees waste between 10 and 52 percent of their time at work. Instead of working, they’re defending themselves, networking for support, thinking about the situation, dealing with fear, stress and depression, or taking sick leave due to stress-related illnesses.

Many of these people’s marriages suffer. Excessive pressure and daily anxiety push some people over the psychological precipice, causing them to act aggressively, which just spreads the cheer.

Anyone can find themselves the target of a bully, although one expert says victims are more likely to be competent, capable, dedicated, non-confrontational, and well liked by co-workers, and yet somehow threaten the bully. Typical habitual oppressors present themselves as strong and assertive. They pretend they won’t take grief from anyone, nor tolerate incompetence, laziness, or missed goals. They may refuse to acknowledge good work, inflicting unjustified criticism and trivial fault-finding as a rule.

How to handle this extreme critic? The first thing to remember is Benjamin Franklin’s famous quip: “Any fool can criticize, and most fools do.” Many times, the bully looks foolish to everyone but the victim. So, if you’re on the receiving end of acerbic comments in a meeting, become an onlooker for a moment. Evaluate the situation sans emotion – who is really being humiliated in front of the group? You or your detractor?

Criticism and bullying can devastate the culture of a church or company. In fact, when they’re left unchecked, they define the culture. Responding with impersonal distance can realign the victim’s perspective and allow a healthier response, both in the moment and afterward.

Gideon’s uncommon tactic of lifting up his critics can save our leadership from the weakness our detractors claim to have discovered.


For dicussion....
Who are your regular critics on the job?
How do you typically handle their comments? Do you need to adjust?
Do you yourself need to be less critical of others?