After Maureen began attending our small group Bible study she began telephoning us nearly every day to discuss her problems. We soon learned every detail about her failed marriage, her wayward child, her overbearing boss, her health problems. It was usually a one-sided conversation that involved little more than several uh-huhs from me. It wasn't that I didn't care about her, I just didn't want to have to care every day, and for someone who apparently gave no thought to reciprocating that care.

You probably have a Maureen in your life, too. If you are in ministry you probably have several Maureens. Difficult people seem to gravitate toward churches. That's a good thing. Jesus said it is the sick who need a doctor.

John Ortberg spoke to thousands of pastors at the 2006 National Pastor's Convention about ministry to imperfect people.

"It's people that bring us the greatest joys, when lives are changed," Ortberg said. "And there's no pain like the pain that people cause."

Ortberg referred to Jesus' sayings about relationships with difficult people, i.e., turning the other cheek, walking a second mile, etc., as examples of how life in God's Kingdom contrasts conventional wisdom.

"Maybe there is someone who has caused you to suffer deeply and you feel a lot of hurt, anger or fear," Ortberg said. "Conventional wisdom says avoid them, hurt back, hold them in contempt, or judge in your heart. Jesus' teaching is there is another better way."

Rather than expecting a quid pro quo of favors or good deeds involving difficult people, Jesus called for a sort of generous injustice. For example, inviting people for dinner who are not friends or relatives and cannot repay you, is Jesus' way of ministry.

"One of the best opportunities you and I will have to do this is with difficult people," Ortberg said. "They teach us the true condition of our heart."

Ortberg referred to Henry Cloud's formula of grace, truth and time in dealing with difficult people through radical acceptance (grace), naming reality (truth) and patiently waiting for change (time).

Ministry how-to

How a ministry leader shows the grace of Christ is the most important lesson he or she may ever teach or preach, Ortberg said. "We can talk about [grace] but if we're not actually living it then that's what we'll teach."

Rather than avoiding conflict, or suffering from what Ortberg termed, "terminal niceness," ministers should exhibit grace and truth together in order to accept people with authenticity. He warned against appeasing people to their face and gossiping to their back. Instead, he said ministers should courageously speak the truth.

"When grace and truth meet together, that's a powerful thing," Ortberg said.

The third component, time, requires patience in ministry. Ortberg said that comes easier with a proper perspective. Rather than wait for change in others with frozen smiles and plastic masks, Ortberg prayed that pastors would acknowledge their own imperfection.

"All of us are as-is kind of people," Ortberg prayed. "We are so grateful, grateful beyond words for your grace, and your truth and your gift of time. Change, renew, melt us. Make our hearts soft and tender before you again, and make that grace and truth flow out of us into the people around us."

Living water and the food of ministry

Not only is that sort of heart work the call of ministry, it is the fuel of ministry. In Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman in John 4, he is clearly dealing with a difficult person, yet is also sustained by the encounter.

First, Jesus asks for a drink. He gets an argument instead. To that Jesus answers with grace, accepting a cultural outcast and turning the conversation toward spiritual things. He follows by the hard truth about her marital status. Interestingly enough that is the point of belief for the woman.

This is also the point of ministry for church leaders who must show grace and tell truth "over and over, day after day," Ortberg says. Difficult? Maybe.

"When someone gets grace, and truth and time, you never know," Ortberg said, going on to tell the story of his father-in-law accepting Christ as his Savior after decades of resisting.

But it can be difficult understanding how the truth can set people free, especially if they are related to you, or if, like Maureen, they hang up on you and stop coming to Bible study because of something you said.

Grace, truth and time continue in a sort of circle, though, and when one is used up there is another. When the truth cuts there is a gracious bandage and time for healing—all three enough to sustain a life of ministry.

"Our God is in the life-changing business," Ortberg said, "and so are you and I."