Relationships are important in reaching the unchurched. But relationships alone do not explain why most unchurched people become followers of Christ. The stories we heard in our interviews were those of "relationships plus."

Tammy D. is a fairly new Christian; she accepted Christ four months prior to our interview. She joined and was baptized in a nondenominational community church near Scottsdale, Ariz. Tammy took part in our study of the formerly unchurched to help us understand the dynamics involved in the unchurched coming to church. Our time with Tammy was a delight. Our initial and follow-up interviews lasted more than 10 hours.

Tammy, a grandmother in her mid-40s, dealt with bitterness for nearly a year because her only grandchild had been taken from her home by a social service agency. She blamed the child's other grandmother for much of her troubles. She said that she had the "weight of the world" on her shoulders. "I hated social services and I hated the other grandmother."

This crisis and her unbearable bitterness prompted Tammy to seek relief and answers. She started looking for a church even though she rarely had attended church in her lifetime. Like many unchurched people, Tammy chose Easter Sunday as her day of entry into the church.

The week after Easter another major crisis took place in Tammy's life. She came home from work to find her husband dead. That same evening the pastor and a woman from the church visited her, unaware that Tammy's husband had died earlier in the day.

"Their visit was like seeing two angels walk through the door," Tammy reflected. "I didn't have anyone to do the funeral, and they just showed up. The pastor agreed to do Bob's funeral," she told us.

Shortly after the funeral the same woman from the church asked Tammy to lunch. "Jodie told me how to be saved, how to accept Jesus," Tammy exclaimed. "I guess I was a pretty easy sell. I was looking for hope."

Tammy, though a new Christian, was hesitant to go to a church on a regular basis. She was also uncertain about baptism. "Look," she said, "I knew very little about church. It just wasn't the life I was used to."

That problem was solved when she discovered that a friend had started attending the church that she had visited on Easter Sunday. "I felt braver going with a friend," Tammy told us. They continued to attend as they found the church members to be extremely friendly.

The factor that sealed Tammy's decision to join the church was the pastor's preaching. "His sermons are deep but easy to understand. He is always able to hold my attention," she related.

We understand that Tammy's story is not typical, but then again, we rarely spoke to any of the formerly unchurched who had a "typical" story. That is our point. We cannot offer simple explanations to describe the pilgrimage of a person from the ranks of the unchurched to the churched. How would you explain Tammy's decision? Among the possibilities might include:

• The crisis of losing custody of her grandchild
• The crisis of the death of her husband
• The crisis of bitterness in her life
• The in-home visit of the pastor and a church member
• The big event of the Easter service
• The personal evangelistic witness of a church member
• The relationship of a friend
• The friendliness of the church member
• The preaching of the pastor

While we would certainly affirm that the relationship Tammy had with her friend was an important factor in choosing the church, many other factors were at work. Thus, it would seem unwise to devise a church strategy to reach the unchurched based on one factor alone. As we further examine the issue of the unchurched and relationships, we will do so with the understanding that many other factors are at work.

Focusing on Relationships

In addition to the open-ended question of what factors led the formerly unchurched to the church, we asked the straightforward question: "Did relationships play a part in your choosing this church?" The responses were a simple ‘yes' or ‘no.' Over half of the formerly unchurched gave a positive response to this question.

Tim A. of Sacramento, Calif., now attends a small Baptist church. His spiritual pilgrimage included both Buddhism and Mormonism before he became a Christian. "One of the reasons I started attending the church was the invitation of my stockbroker," Tim told us. "It seems like I've been searching for something all my life. Two big factors led me to Christ. First, I started seeing the truth of Christianity in my Sunday school class. Second, the preacher would share a clear gospel message in his sermons."

Tim is among the many formerly unchurched who indicated that relationships were among the factors leading him to Christ and to the church. The transfer churched, Christians moving from one church to another, were not as influenced by relationships in their choosing of a church home. Only 36 percent indicated that a relationship played a role in their decision to join a particular church.

Why were relationships less important to the transfer churched? We received two common responses. First, the transfer churched have been Christians for a while. Though they would like to have friends or family in the church they are joining, other issues are more important to them. The doctrine of the church, the quality of the Sunday school, the opportunity to get involved, and the availability of particular ministries and programs are among the issues that supersede relationships. And most of the transfer churched felt that they would have no problem getting to know other Christians in the church. Second, many of the transfer churched told us that they had just moved to a new city or community. They therefore had no relationships established as they looked for a new church home.

Join me next week as we look at five major conclusions about relationships and the formerly unchurched!