The formerly unchurched had much to tell us about what worked in reaching them. We have already seen seven myths that were shattered by their responses. Let us examine the last of these myths and hear what attracted them to become involved in a local church.

Myth #8: The most important evangelistic relationships take place in the marketplace.

The marketplace most often refers to the place where we meet people who are not part of our family: workplaces, schools, neighborhoods and places where we shop and do business. Many good studies and books advocate the training of laity for marketplace evangelism or for the development of relationships with the unchurched in the marketplace.

While we would not diminish the importance of marketplace relationships for evangelism, our study of the formerly unchurched found that family relationships were even more important. And of the different family members, wives were most often mentioned as important in influencing the formerly unchurched to Christ and the church.

Art R., a Florida native, told us a common story: "The reason I'm in church today is because of my wife. When I saw the change in her life, I decided to try it out. Now I'm a Christian and hardly ever miss church."

Art not only told us that family members were the greatest influence in his coming to church, he told us specifically that his wife was the key person God used in the process. We cannot overstate the importance of wives in bringing formerly unchurched husbands to Christ and to the church.

More than one-third of the formerly unchurched who were influenced by their families indicated that their wives were the key influence, several times the number of the second-highest influence, children of the formerly unchurched.

Husbands of the formerly unchurched had a minimal influence. They ranked below wives, children and parents in leading their loved ones to come to church.

Again we ask, Do most churches today have an intentional strategy to develop these relationships so that the unchurched may come to Christ and the church? Specifically, in those situations where wives are churched and their husbands are not, does the church provide resources and training for these women to reach their husbands for the kingdom? Perhaps the surprising aspect of this portion of the study is that the most receptive unchurched group is living in the homes of those already active in our churches.

Myth #9: The unchurched are concerned only about their own needs.

The reasons the unchurched become churched are complex. In the course of our research we found no simple explanation to the process.

We have observed many strategies for reaching the unchurched that focus on meeting their needs. While there is much to commend this approach, an exclusively needs-meeting strategy neglects two major issues. The first is that the unchurched often desire to be challenged.

As Bobby J. of Pennsylvania told us, "I didn't want to be a part of a church that put everything on a silver platter. Even before I became a Christian, I sensed that I needed to be a part of something where I could help others."

Our study found that churches that expect much receive much, even from many of the unchurched. Perhaps an important lesson that we learned from the formerly unchurched is that churches should try to appeal to the unchurched person's altruistic motives. Bobby T. expressed it well: "I can tell you before I became a Christian, I knew I wanted to be in a place where I could make a difference. The church needs to hear the message not to dumb down the church or water down expectations."

The second major insight gleaned from the formerly unchurched was that the unchurched do not always seek a place of worship for their own needs. Almost one out of three of the formerly unchurched informed us that they came or returned to the church for their children.

Two major studies in the late 1990s affirmed that people are most receptive to the gospel before they turn 20 years old. Many of the unchurched seem to know intuitively that "religious training" is necessary for their children, even though they cannot articulate specific reasons why.

Bobby T. explained: "I'm a single dad with almost year-round custody of two kids, ages 9 and 11. One of the reasons I wanted to find a church was for Robby and Kayla. Though I had never been a member of a church, I just knew that it would be good for them, that it would help me to raise better kids."

While the gospel of Christ clearly calls for believers to help meet the needs of others, the formerly unchurched told us that a church should not communicate an exclusively needs-based message. The unchurched do indeed have motives for seeking churches beyond their personal felt needs.

New insights, new strategy

More has been written on the unchurched in America in the past 15 years than in any similar period in history. Yet with all the research and publications, the percentage of unchurched in our nation continues to increase. Is it possible we have been asking the wrong people the wrong questions? Are we involved in exercises in futility by researching a large group, most of whom will never attend church? Should we be talking to those who were unchurched but who now attend?

It is this group, the formerly unchurched, from whom we have much to learn. And it is to that group that we now turn in an attempt to understand the mind-set of the unchurched. Perhaps in the process we can learn more about reaching people who do not know Christ. And perhaps we can seek from God new strategies or revive old approaches that may still work.

The formerly unchurched have unique insights into our churches, its leaders, the worship services and the ways we evangelize. They specifically have definite opinions about the pastors and their preaching in the churches they visited before they became Christians.

I hope you listen to the voices of the formerly unchurched and what they responded to. There is much more to learn from our study of this group, and if you would like to learn more I invite you to read the book that is the real fruit of this study, "Surprising Insights from the Unchurched." I have worked with many churches that have seen the empirical realities we observed become very effective in reaching the lost and the unchurched with the gospel.